Retaining my sanity

The past 2 weeks have been hell. Or perhaps I should say that the devil himself has been beckoning me to cross over to the dark side. I've been trying to rein my temper in and pretty much mentally handcuffing myself to refrain from "strangling" people, even the innocent ones who happen to be in my way.

Same old issue. People pooped and I've gotta pick up their shit. Not literally, of course. But it still drains me out. Arghhh... I've been stepping on many people's shoes over the past 2 weeks because of the mess I got to pick up and I kind lost my patience and the ability to think before I act. Now, I'm kinda acting what I feel more than acting on what is right or better. Not fair to those innocent ones. Not professional either. I know. I'm trying. Sigh.

Like what I've been telling my boss - you know there's this saying that sometimes you feel like there's someone watching or following you. But when you turn around, there's no one there? In my case, replace the stalker with a thorn. Yes. A thorn in my ass. One that you can't locate and can't remove. Stuck so deeply within that all you can do is to live with it and curse it to your very core. Yup. That's how I've been feeling almost everyday. Arghhh...

Average work day starts from 10am to 2am. And after 2 hrs of winding down (which includes having my supper plus some light reading), I got into a state of insomnia. Sigh. Thankfully (though ironically), the picking of poop tires me out by now (as well as the volatile emo/ stressed state I'm in) and I pretty much just slumped into sleep almost immediately after hitting the bed. Ahh... at least I'm getting some sleep. Never mind having to skip breakfast, lunch and dinner over the past 2 weeks, at least poop-picking is almost done - or so I willed myself to believe. Supper is pathetic but it fills the stomach.

The past 2-3 days have been slightly better. At least I managed to grab some late lunch and dinner now before working the shifts. And if one of my major projects is to go as per planned, hell's gonna break loose. Let's see how it goes.

For now, apart from lunches/ dinners, the occasional brilliant sunset and clear blue sky views from my office will be my greatest comfort.


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