forbidden city???

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
It’s happening again!

Situation recap - going back in time:
April 07
- Team mates resigned
- 2 bosses to approve my leave
- One of them approved, the other rejected
- Verdict: Japan trip cancelled

Nov/ Dec 07
- - Team mate resigned
- 2 bosses to approve my leave
- One of them approved, the other reluctant
- Verdict:
BIG boss dropped an email on the 11th hour to announce that office will be closed from 24th to 28th dec with no leave deducted (Miracle to my prayers!!!)

If that wasn’t enough, now I’m faced with these problems:
1) Air ticket
I’m currently on the waiting list. I have a flight to get there but there may not be a flight back. Woohooo!!! Shall I just stay rooted there and try and find a job there then? Or be an illegal immigrant?

2) Hotel
Since I can’t confirm the dates of my journey yet (which is either 19th/ 20th Dec to 28th Dec or 21st Dec to 29th Dec), I can’t book any hotel. Darn!

Imagine the trauma I was going through as I pieced the situation together. For a while, I thought I was doomed and could never step foot on Japan. It was soon to becoming the ‘Forbidden city’ that I could only lay my eyes on yet not within my reach (BTW, Yoshinoya/ hello kitty and Muji in Singapore doesn’t count).

Then there was another set of depressing remarks:
- It’s winter there! Are you crazy?
- It’s sooooooooooooo expensive. Why don’t you go another time?
- Why so last minute?
- Aiyo… why you go alone? Don’t go lah.

Strange enough, I get 2 very different sets of response (I’m lumping colleagues and family’s response together):
Colleagues: Cool…
Family: Orh…
Friends: Don’t go… but can you help me buy something back?

Discussions almost broke into arguments, so I shall leave it as that as I’m determined to make this come true.

764,899,200 seconds. That’s the approximate number of seconds I have lived till this hour since the day I was born. How many more 764,899,200 seconds to go before my life comes to a halt, where I degrade into nutrients for vegetation and nothing but a phantom to the yet unborn in many years to come?

Or would I have merely a few seconds left before all these come to an end where my name could no longer ring a bell in the human mind?

Life.

Short but sweet? Or long but miserable?

How many a time have we ever looked back and said “I wish I could turn back time”?
How many regrets can one have in life?

Like a child not knowing what it means by “fire could hurt”, perhaps it’s time to reach out and see for oneself.

疯子?

其实，有一阵子心情便如以下的歌词一样。。。
期待也害怕即将来临的旅程。

疯子 - 许哲佩

刷牙我想哭洗脸我想哭
走路我想哭静止我想哭
出太阳我想哭起风我想哭
听歌我想哭看喜剧我想哭
我控制不住自己负担冭重的情绪
我拒绝面对结局沉重的问题我不想听
伱给的很多规矩说了很久的道理
却瞒不了我的伈
再压抑再压抑我快不行..
(兲摇地动昏天暗地)
有眼泪没眼泪
伱觉得我疯了
我瞬间耳鸣听不见伱们说的
我疯言我疯语眼泪让我瞎了
我哭我眼前乫界
原来快榮要用悲伤换的
可知不知道
伱莂在否认
我要的自由能不能够永生
可是我累了
我只好哭了
我像疯子的般不停的哭
我没有出路
伱也当我是个疯子我是个疯子

心态

想来想去，还是这首歌的歌词比较接近我现在的心情吧。。。
不同的是，这首歌听起来较轻快，没我心里那么不愉快。
离开现于的国度是否会快乐些? 是否会对自己坦白些?
该用怎样的心态，怎样的面孔，怎样的方式去面对每一天，每个人。。。我想了很久，但始终没答案。
想开启那无形的大门，再次回头看一看过去。重演。思考。释怀。
这三部曲，我明白却也无限感慨。
明白并不等于懂得表态。
现实与理想 - 两者共存却一直处在明争暗斗的状态。
生命的残酷与生活的精彩不也是这样吗?
向往。期待。害怕。等不及让自己立即踏上寻回自我的路程。
挑战。挑战自己是否能够再度开启那扇时光的大门，像小叮当一样，回首，微笑，释怀。


***讓我想一想 - 陳綺貞
曲︰陳綺貞
詞︰陳綺貞
編︰林暐哲

漫步在荒原　我想找一棵棲身的樹
有陽光　有流水　還有微風吹

該如何面對　這未知的一切
讓自己的思緒沈澱　隨著天色的改變
心情的外衣也要多加一件

這些對　那些好　我想追　我想逃
其實我也害怕　可不可以就這樣停下來
我要多一點時間好讓我再想一想

隔著玻璃窗　我早已沈醉在藍色的街
有寂寞　有笑語　還有看不見的雪

該如何整理　這忙亂的城市
還有我的心事　躲在十二月熱鬧的夜
我只要一個人安安靜靜地

什麼對　什麼好　不要問　不要猜
不要太靠近我　可不可以勇敢地停下來
我要多一點空間好讓我再想一想

誰か、私に勇気を貸て?

最近、ちょっと悲しみだった。なぜそんなことを忘れないの?
わからない。悔しいか?
もしその時は私が辞めさせなくて、今の私がもうすこし嬉しいかもしれない?
なんでこんな気持をもってた?

毎日仕事をちゃんと頑張ってるように、でも全然楽しくない。
やっぱりお金の為にかな。
何時かこんな気持がはじまりたんだ? 良く考えれば、二年前のことかな?

何時から、私はこの小さな島を逃げると思いますか? 遠くの所で逃げて。
非常におもってた。でも勇気がない。こわかった。
どうしよかな? 私の人生そのままでいい?
誰か、私に勇気を貸て?

Sugar & Spice - 17th Nov 07

Caught this japanese movie with Cheryl and PC yesterday. Some parts of it was kinda funny and some parts sentimental too. Have a read at its synopsis...